As the days go on, as I sit and watch and wait, I cant help but wonder why, when, how long...
Days seem to pass so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. Watching a life slowly slip away, trying to cherish every moment, remember every small detail, the way her eyes look, the way her smile is, the wrinkles on her forehead, the way her hair blows with the fan, the gentleness of her touch, the way her voice sounds, everything. I want to remember it all.
I sit and wonder is today the last time I'll here her say "goodnight, I love you". The uncertainty drives me crazy. The desire to know when, is one that haunts me. Seeing her have a good day, doesn't make me happy like it should, because I know the end result remains the same... Good days are nothing more than days, days that we count as she slowly passes away.
I don't want to loose my mom, I don't wanna kiss her goodbye, I don't want to know what it's like to miss her, not get phone calls, and not see her sweet face... BUT I'm conflicted, because I don't like seeing her in pain, seeing her struggle to breath, her being so nauseous that the shear thought of food literally makes her sick. So, I sit, I watch, I wait.
I don't get to spend as much time with my precious mother as I would like, but I speak to her several times a day, I enjoy every conversation we have, I visit when I can, and while I know she understands, I know, it's not enough, not enough for me, for her precious grandbabies, but really, is there ever enough time?
So, I watch and I wait.
Days seem to pass so slowly, yet so fast at the same time. Watching a life slowly slip away, trying to cherish every moment, remember every small detail, the way her eyes look, the way her smile is, the wrinkles on her forehead, the way her hair blows with the fan, the gentleness of her touch, the way her voice sounds, everything. I want to remember it all.
I sit and wonder is today the last time I'll here her say "goodnight, I love you". The uncertainty drives me crazy. The desire to know when, is one that haunts me. Seeing her have a good day, doesn't make me happy like it should, because I know the end result remains the same... Good days are nothing more than days, days that we count as she slowly passes away.
I don't want to loose my mom, I don't wanna kiss her goodbye, I don't want to know what it's like to miss her, not get phone calls, and not see her sweet face... BUT I'm conflicted, because I don't like seeing her in pain, seeing her struggle to breath, her being so nauseous that the shear thought of food literally makes her sick. So, I sit, I watch, I wait.
I don't get to spend as much time with my precious mother as I would like, but I speak to her several times a day, I enjoy every conversation we have, I visit when I can, and while I know she understands, I know, it's not enough, not enough for me, for her precious grandbabies, but really, is there ever enough time?
So, I watch and I wait.
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